The unbearable quest of being a special being: Top US first names

Howard (female!!)
Carlos (female!!)
La Rue (female)
Bean (female)
DeLynn (?? pronounced Dylan??)

Nichelle (almost Michelle)

M'lissa (female, in a rush)
Meladee (Melanie when pronounced with a blocked nose)

Gi'Zelle (Giselle with a hic-up)
Tonya (female, a huge Tanja)

La Shaunte (female)

Andria (female, all but Andrea)
Aundrietta (Andrietta's aunt?)
Siendie (aka Cindy??)
Jene' (this accent slipped into a hyphen)

Brryan (no spelling mistake)
Debrorah (a roaring Deborah?)
Jonathon (= Jonathan + John?)
Shithead (female, unconfirmed source).
Wash (a very clean male)
Trash (his dirty female counterpart, just left a message on my phone; spelling need to be confirmed)

Emileight (that's a light version of Emily)

Darick (that's Derek with a strong Texan accent)
Deicy (That's once the ice was taken off Daisy).
Alfre (could the person who stole the 'd' please bring it back?)