From Kafka to Douglas Adams: bureaucracy goes US

Dear John,

As you can read below, the institutes' administrator says my French diploma of a doctor is not enough to certify the award of the diploma of a doctor. She wants an original transcript showing all the grades.
I replied that the diploma of a doctor can not show "all the grades", simply because there are no grades; you can only pass it (with certain distinctions), or not pass it. And this is clearly written on it.

She replied that she would then need "a certified letter [in English] from the University stating that they do not provide transcripts with grades and that the diploma is the only source of documentation used to confirm that. "

Needless to say that the lady that deals with this stuff in our University is a) not good in English, b) out of work because of a broken wrist. She may still kindly agree to state the above obvious, and to help her, I suggest the following phrasing for the letter:

"I certify that the University of Montpellier I does not provide original transcripts showing individual grades for the diploma of a doctor, simply because there are no individual grades for the diploma of a doctor.
I certify also that the ‘Diplome de Docteur’ delivered by the University Montpellier I is the only source of documentation used to confirm that the diploma of a doctor has been delivered by the University Montpellier I."

Importantly, this all is NOT to needed certify that I have obtained my diploma of a doctor, because my degree has already been certified by an official US credential evaluation, delivered by a certified (NACES) company.
Yet, even this official credential evaluation appears not enough as an official credential evaluation, because, for the institute, it also needs to contain all the four points:
1) a translation of my diploma
2) verification of accreditation of the foreign university
3) the equivalency of the non-US degree to a US degree
4) my attendance at and graduation from my university

However, my initial credentials evaluation company replied that a credentials evaluation is exactly that. It naturally includes all of the above. The company suggested that my administrator may call them to see what they actually want.

She did not call them, but replied to me "Our department must cover all four points that was provided below." And she suggested that I should use another evaluation company.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!