It’s Christmas time
– and there’s no need to be afraid
At Christmas time –
we let in light – and banish shade
In other words, we buy our friends and family a lot of
unnecessary gifts and eat too much food.
And in our world of
plenty – we can spread a smile of joy
Over the past hundreds of years, using a mix of brute force and
political interference, we’ve done a jolly good job in exploiting and messing
up your continent, and, as a result, we are now much richer than you are,
whereas most of your countries, unsurprisingly, still don’t do all that well.
In return, as recompense, you get a smile of joy.
Throw your arms
around the world
At Christmas time
Even during Christmas season, we won’t necessarily stop
interfering with your continent for our good.
But say a prayer –
pray for the other ones
At Christmas time –
it’s hard but while you’re having fun
Since we are very egocentric, even saying a prayer for someone
in another continent is already quite challenging.
There’s a world
outside your window – and it’s a world of dread and fear
Where a kiss of
love can kill you – and there’s death in every tear
That’s just the idea we have of daily life in Africa. For us, who
live amid social isolation, unbearable stress and financial crises, it’s pretty
reassuring to know that there is a world outside where people are much worse
off than we are.
And the Christmas
bells that ring there – are the clanging chimes of doom
This is total nonsense, but creates a nice atmosphere of drama.
Well tonight we’re
reaching out and touching you.
That’s not to be taken literally, of course. No-one here would
touch an over-infectious African.
No peace and joy
this Christmas in West Africa
We had to put in ‘West’ this time to sell this song again, since
Ethiopia is not doing badly enough for our purpose. Those who sing the song are
immensely rich, so we don’t need the money, but some of us really do need more popularity
and public attention, believe us.
The only hope they’ll have is being alive
Where to comfort is to fear
Where to touch is to be scared
In the original version,
30 years ago, we sang ‘there won’t be snow in Africa’. We’ve changed this verse
into something else, having done a quick reading in Wikipedia. It’s not great
either, but should do the job.
How can they know it’s Christmas time at all
A calendar? TV and Radio?
The internet? Africans probably don’t have those. They all live in mud huts, we
suppose.
Here’s to you
Raise a glass to everyone
And here’s to them
And all their years to come
Let them know it’s Christmas after all
Especially the 50 %
Muslim population who shouldn’t drink and may not have much interest in
Christmas.
Feed the world -
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
This line is what everyone still knows from our 30-year old
song, so we keep it. And it’s good to keep up the old idea that it’s only
thanks to us that those people have some bread, while we continue making
profits from Africa that dwarf all our donations.
Feel the world -
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
Here is a minimum effort to update the old lyrics. From ‘feed’
to ‘feel’ – clever, hum?
Heal the world -
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
Another try. We’ve gone from feed to heal in 3 verses, that’s
good enough.
Merry Xmas to everyone!
PS: if you really want to know how African feel about them and
their country being made the international image of poverty and sanitary
problems, check this out:
or
